No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
