Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
