I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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