Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
