It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
