how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
