no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
