Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
