Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
