Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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