I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
