would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
