The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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