and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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