I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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