I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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