Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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