I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
