Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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