A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
