As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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