were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i barfeds in our rink
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
