I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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