It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
