Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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