I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
