Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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