I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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