stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
