my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
