My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
