Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
