it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
