good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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