PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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