Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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