I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
