I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
