There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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