So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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