He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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