His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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