i wish my penis had a tongue
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
