At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
