Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
