dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
