I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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