I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize