every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
soo... how was my night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
