When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
