Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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