Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
