She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
