theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
