so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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