Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
