If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
