I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
