im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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