eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize