the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
