Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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