piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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