Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
