Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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