cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We just shotgunned beers for America
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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