We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
