I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I will pee on everything he values.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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