Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
