Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
