I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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