Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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