Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
