VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
