i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
