Your mouth is God's brothel.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
