It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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