I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
