He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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