i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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