I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
