Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
