As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
