but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
