I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
