i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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