i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
please don't ironically join a cult
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