I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Damn victory sex feels great
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