stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
