take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
