I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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