We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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