This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
